April 20, 2014
Be generous with that dose, I could use a puff of idealism
here in this velvety room filled with musky affection,
no more a detriment to my emotional unwavering than your reality.
I know it to be true, the speed of loneliness siphoning through my veins
at an alarming rate, disavowing my sense of control
and barely keeping my head above the surface
long enough to make out what I need to do.
Yet I roam ceaselessly and away from that place
of ungainly truths, of betrayals and facades
as I no longer desire their love.
Theirs is a false affection,
masked in pretense and expectation,
both of which I have no desire to fulfill.
I am wandering again through the alleys at night,
bright eyes watch my every step,
waiting to proposition me at their precise moment.
I crave the high that awaits at my destination,
a momentary bout of inspiration from someone
I’ve known during the last century,
someone who’s hands will lead me away from the light
and into the familiar darkness again.
April 16, 2014
You know that moment when the Earth cracks in half,
when you can see the inside at that odd angle?
It’s when you know what’s important,
when you realize where your life is headed.
People on the periphery, the exterior, they don’t matter.
It’s the ones you’re bound to by heir and blood,
they’re the ones who will save you in due time.
You’re alone when it comes to others,
they won’t care for you the same way.
They would feed themselves before they fed you,
would shelter their own before sheltering you.
There are but few of us saintly enough to trust in humanity.
But your own, they’ll come for you.
You’ll always have a place with them.
April 5, 2014
this life we live
to the end of our days
where you and I grow old
and weary with sickness
and grief in unspoken volumes
but there is beauty in the fields beyond
where time stops just long enough
and we catch our breath
as we look up at the overcast sky
that periwinkle blue, those clouds blending
and everything is simple
and still again
the air is crisp in our lungs
revitalizing and reinvigorating
we could use a piece of this life
of a moment in absolute clarity
of unfiltered purity and depth
we should strive to come back here
to this place of dreams, of solace
in its sheerest form
more often than not.
April 3, 2014
So you’re thinking about taking your own life huh? That’s funny. And ironic. Most especially for you. The most selfish human being I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. You with your phantom grandeur, your seedy notions of wealth. Your blatant hypocrisy still catches me unawares until I realize the depth of it, of how utterly disillusioned you are. This underdeveloped hubris you keep, it’s taking you further down the hole you’ve dug for yourself. You’ve maimed those who loved you, tossed them to the curb and spat in their face. Then you approached your god and asked to be elevated to the highest ranks of society. Without an ounce of accountability, guilt or remorse. Your disrespect of the universal laws of decency astound me. It disgusts me, it repulses me. But it doesn’t quite stop there, does it?
You’ve failed at this stage in your life. Everything has crumbled before your eyes. Yet by the goodness of humanity, a bone is thrown your way. Still you refuse to see what’s happening to you. You would rather kill yourself than look at yourself for what you’ve become. That’s not desperation, not by a long shot. That’s cowardice. You’re a coward.
March 3, 2014
You bathe yourself in the dim glow of all that self regard. When you’re in a sea of people I see it get brighter as you look around gratuitously. You’re lonelier than most because you’ve built your triumphs on phantom wings that are illusive and irrelevant. Are they even real? You are at your core fundamentally selfish, unable to correlate affection with some form of generosity. It’s as if despite your short life you’ve somehow concluded that you stand in the middle of everything that’s happened to you. You remain unaffected by the love of others because that jaded glow obscures your line of vision.
Yet such is the life you and I lead, bound by the inevitability of family ties and the spotty encouragement that accompanies it. We are nothing if not human. How could I fault you for this?