To the center of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you.
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you.
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you.
In a room with a window in the corner, I found truth.

Joy Division

Give me a plate of dusk for full consumption,
so I can grow to enormous size,
be gluttunous and despicable,
impenetrable and seething,
terrifying in my certainty and thoughtlessness,
some force to behold beyond measurable loathing.
Fear me, chide me, drill me down,
for I reign as worthlessly as the microcosm of my plight,
my ire torn beyond reckoning.

Into the twilight of evening you will take my anima,
out back amongst the warm blooded creatures who graze serenely,
and once you have cut gently into her skin, lay her down to wait for their coming,
to be taken before the sun rises in the gray sky,
taken far from the plane of despair and seclusion.
Let her fade, and let me go.



There are these bright moments of abhorring darkness when someone does something so vile that you feel bits of yourself falling away, and the spirit of self-damaging pain takes over like a slithering poison.

These moments are so trivial and yet their effect is astounding. You play and replay scenarios in your head, wondering how much further you could go down the chasm. It’s subtle but overt, quiet but cacophonous.

When they takes stabs with their sharpened words, there is this millisecond of thought that flashes in my mind and soul, and disappears just as quickly.

In that millisecond, I think of the dying.

They will try to make you stay,
steal the peace away from you,
soak your actions in self doubt,
if you don’t live the way they like.